


Talk to me

by Salambo06



Series: Fic Giveaway [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, M/M, New Relationship, Vulnerable Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:36:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8224031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salambo06/pseuds/Salambo06
Summary: Written for this prompt: " John and Sherlock have just gotten together and they are taking things slow (agreed to wait a bit before they have sex because Sherlock is a virgin and is nervous). When the Yard finds out Sally or Anderson says something nasty about Sherlock not being able to ‘perform’ in the bedroom. Sherlock seems to not care but when he and John go home he falls apart"





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [futurelondoner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/futurelondoner/gifts).



> Hi everyone!
> 
> So this is the second of ten fics for ma latest Fic Giveaway, and this one is for Jamie who requested some insecure Sherlock!  
> Thank you so much for this prompt, and I hope you'll like it :)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Pauline

Sherlock got out of the cab quickly, smiling as he heard John following behind him and in less than a minute they were at the crime scene. Allowing himself to smile, Sherlock turned around to make sure John was still here, an habit he still hadn’t lost after all this time. His smile grew wider as John brushed their hands together, murmuring a quiet “Alright?” and Sherlock nodded, not able to resist the urge to take John’s hand in his.

It was still a marvel, being able to do so whenever he wanted, and to be honest, Sherlock was still scared it could all end suddenly. John had told him, many time and in many ways, that they were meant to last, meant to grow old and still fight over take away and grocery shopping. If Sherlock had laughed and declared that was always going to be John, it still all felt a bit unreal. After years of yearning, years of wondering _what if_ , the last month had felt like one long dream. Sherlock still opened his eyes every morning worrying John might not be there, might have decided he wasn't worth it after all, and gone back to his own bed, his own room, his own life. Sherlock suspected that was the only reason John had suddenly decided he needed to be as close as possible to Sherlock every night before they fell asleep. At least that way, Sherlock only had to breathe out slowly each morning as he felt John’s warm body pressed against his.

“Sherlock?” John called next to him, squeezing his hand. “What is it?”

Sherlock shook his head, leaning down and stealing a furtive kiss, “Nothing. Let’s go.”

“Sure?” John asked, frowning and stepping closer.

No one was in sight and Sherlock pressed their lips back together in a much more lingering kiss. He felt more than he saw John smile, and he felt his own lips stretch into a genuine grin. Kissing John Watson would never (never) stop amazing him.

“Holmes, we’re waiting here!”

Sherlock pulled away quickly, hating the way he felt his cheeks heat as he turned to face Donovan. “Coming.”

“Well, hurry up, this isn’t just your crime scene, you know!”

“What’s gotten into her?” John murmured, starting to walk toward the detective.

“Not Anderson, that’s for sure,” Sherlock remarked, earning a loud laugh from John.

“Something’s funny?” Donovan snarled when they reached her, and John hurried to shake his head before Sherlock could say anything.

Sherlock knew that somewhere, probably deep inside, Donovan was sorry about making false assumptions about him all those years ago. She had half-told him once, and Lestrade had assured him she hadn’t used the word _freak_ in ages now. Still, it didn’t change the fact that she still believed Sherlock didn’t belong on her crime scene.

“So that rumor is true, then,” Sally suddenly said, glancing down and Sherlock realised he was still holding John’s hand.

As he was about to let go, he felt John tighten his grip, “It is, yes.”

She eyed them for several seconds, a thin smile on her lips before walking away. Sherlock felt John’s eyes on him, “Ok?”

“Fine,” Sherlock said with a smile, “Let’s go solve this thing and we can get out of here.”

John stepped close and for a second, Sherlock forgot how to breathe properly, “Maybe we could finally finish moving my clothes to your bedroom after?”

“Our bedroom, John,” Sherlock whispered. “Our bedroom.”

John kissed him quickly, “Let’s go before she comes back.”

They hurried to join Lestrade who was waiting for them next to the body, and Sherlock was already asking questions before the DI could say anything. The day had began rather well, John having forced him to remain in bed for long minutes of snogging, and this case might just make this day even better. Maybe if they actually managed to move John’s clothes afterward, they could go grab some takeaway and even try to watch a movie.

“Really, Lestrade, you needed me for this one?” Sherlock asked after a closer look at the body. “It’s obviously her sister who did it. She was probably thinking that if she killed her sister, than her husband would stop sleeping around.”

“Wait,” Lestrade sighed, “Who’s husband?”

“The victim sister’s, do keep up.” Sherlock stood up, glancing at John and smiling as he caught him rolling his eyes. “The victim was sleeping with her sister’s husband, so the sister got rid of the problem.” He looked back at the body, “Once again, sexual frustration leads to murder. Boring.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure, sex must be boring with you,” an officer commented, loud enough for everyone to hear, and Donovan’s laughter filled the air.

“Miller, Donovan, out of here!” Lestrade ordered, and the two officers left quickly, their laughter dying behind them. “Sorry, mate.”

Sherlock remained silent, finding it hard to think all of a sudden, and he forced himself not to look at John. Not now. “Are we done?” He asked Lestrade, not waiting for an answer before walking away.

“I’ll need your deposition,” Lestrade called but Sherlock was already opening the door and stepping out of the house, John’s footsteps echoing behind him.

“Sherlock, wait,” he said and Sherlock heard him speed up. “Love, wait for me.”

Sherlock closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds before waving a hand in the air to call the nearest cab.

“Sherlock, do you want to tal-”

“John, there’s no need to even think about it.”

He felt John’s worried eyes on him for another moment before he said, “Alright, let’s go home then.”

Sherlock nodded and hurried to get inside the cab. John immediately grabbed his hand, and Sherlock let himself relax at the touch. He needed to compose himself, to put to order the chaos happening inside his head at the moment, or John would notice something. He closed his eyes, the comfort of John’s body next to him making it easier to focus. It was rather ridiculous, really. Sherlock knew about sex, had seen what it could do, what it could lead people to commit, but it was more than that. Somehow, there was something terrifying just thinking about it.

John had understood, of course. He had taken Sherlock in his arms and whispered they had all the time in the world to discover each other, and god, Sherlock wanted to. He had been dreaming about John’s body pressed against his for years, had imagined the taste of John’s skin, his smell, his heat, and never dared hope he could one day _know_ . But now- now it was all within his reach. He could kiss John, could undress him, drag him to their bed and find out how they fit together. Sherlock could have found out weeks ago, and yet, he still hadn’t even managed to stand naked in front John.

“Love, you’re worrying me,” John whispered as they got closer to Baker Street. “You know I don’t mind, right?”

“What are you talking about, John?”

John shifted closer, nudging his nose against his Sherlock’s jaw and forcing Sherlock to look at him, “Don’t do this.”

Sherlock sighed, the knot in his chest expanding, “I know.”

John nodded, “Then you know I don’t give a shit about what they said,” he kissed the corner of Sherlock’s lips, “We’ll get there, as slowly as it needs to be.”

Sherlock was about to reply when the cab stopped and he nodded before storming out. He waited for John to pay before opening the front door and they both headed upstairs quietly. Sherlock hang up his coat and went directly to the sofa, lying down and closing his eyes. He felt John’s lips brush his forehead and listened as he walked away, probably to their bedroom. For a moment, Sherlock felt guilty. He knew John wanted to finish settling in, but if he didn’t sort things out now, it would ruin both of their evenings. After a moment he heard John walk upstairs, not calling out for his help, and Sherlock relaxed a bit. He breathed out slowly, and allowed himself to navigate through the familiar doors of his Mind Palace.

The ones reserved to John were brighter now, and after having forced himself to stay away from this section of his mind, it all felt like coming home again. He peeked into the room reserved for the memories of a time he had fallen in love with his flatmate, memories of long evenings by the telly and chases around London. A time where they still had a chance, still hadn’t ruined everything. Still, Sherlock didn’t linger there, choosing to ignore the next room and went directly for the one he had opened 29 days ago.

Sherlock liked to think it was still in construction, the walls being filled with new memories each day. Memories of John’s eyes in the morning, sleepy and smiling. Memories of his hands, calloused and strong when they held his. Memories of his touch, his taste, his body. Sherlock looked around, finding the one wall still empty. _Sex._ He closed his eyes and-

“Sherlock. Sherlock?”

Sherlock opened his eyes quickly, finding John leaning down above him, “What happened?”

“Nothing, love, it’s just that I was wondering how your sock index actually worked,” John smiled, “I don’t want to mess it up.”

Sherlock stared at him for long second, something incredibly warm building inside his chest and he let out a small laugh, “My sock index?”

“Yes,” John said with a smile. “You know, the one you talked about for an entire week when I moved in.”

Sherlock couldn’t repress another laugh, “My sock index.”

John frowned, placing a gentle head on his forehead, “Are you alright?”

_More than alright, John._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

“I want to have sex,” Sherlock said instead, watching as John’s eyes widened and feeling his own heart rate increase. What was he doing? John was still frowning at him, clearly about to say something, and Sherlock couldn’t let that happen. Now that it was out, he needed to remain in control, to let it show. “Now,” he added quickly.

“What are y- Is this about Donovan and that officer?”

“No,” Sherlock replied, not quite a lie. “Let’s go to the bedroom now.”

He sat up, but John prevented him from getting up with a hand on his shoulder, “Wait, wait, we’re not having sex.”

Sherlock felt panic invade his every cell, “You don't want to.”

“What? No!” John frowned, “I thought I made it pretty clear, I want you!”

“Then why are we still talking?”

This time Sherlock forced John to let him up and he was halfway to the kitchen when he realised John wasn’t following him. He closed his eyes, breathing in, “John, hurry up.”

“I’m not coming, Sherlock,” John replied, his tone firm and determined. “Not until you tell me where the hell this came from.”

Sherlock turned around, hiding his shaking hands behind his back, “It’s just sex, John.”

“Right,” John sighed. “I’m not doing this.” He walked toward him, stopping barely an inch away, “Talk to me.”

“John, I-”

John shook his head, “Please, love.” Sherlock froze, his throat tightening. How had he managed to ruin everything in barely a minute? “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying to you, John,” Sherlock whispered, starting to fear what he might say from now on. “You said you wanted me.”

“I do, love, very much so,” John smiled, reaching for his hands and not saying anything as he noticed the tremor. “But this isn’t just sex, and you know it. I’m not taking you to bed until you talk to me, Sherlock.”

“What is there to talk about?” Sherlock asked, feeling his own defenses starting to fall.

“Remember when we first kissed?” John asked, and Sherlock nodded quickly. “You asked me afterward if we could take things slow, remember?”

Sherlock nodded again, too afraid to talk.

“I’m more than happy to do so, love, and until you tell me what suddenly changed your mind, I’m not moving from this spot.”

Sherlock closed his eyes, stepping closer as John welcomed him in his arms. His entire body was shaking now, and before he could stop himself, Sherlock felt the first tears spilling out, “I have no idea what I’m doing, John. I wanted this, wanted you for so long, but I think I’m scared.”

“Scared?” John asked, his voice barely a whisper. “Scared it will hurt?”

Sherlock shook his head, “No, I trust you to make sure it won’t hurt.” He felt John nod but remain silent, giving him the time to breathe before continuing. “What they said today, it might be true, John.”

“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said, love,” John said before kissing his neck.

“You don’t know that,” Sherlock replied, “I’ve never had sex, John. I know the basics, I’ve read about it, but never done anything. For all I know, sex with me could be the most boring thing in the world.” He stopped, considering his next words carefully. “Especially for you.”

John pulled away at that, forcing Sherlock to look at him as he said, “Sherlock Holmes, listen to me right now, our sex will be fantastic, and you know why? Because we love each other, because we’ve both wanted it for so long that it can’t be anything else but brilliant.”

Sherlock couldn’t help but smile, hanging on to John’s shirt, “You can’t be sure, John.”

“I can,” John replied, “I am.”

Sherlock closed his eyes again, breathing out slowly, “I want to have sex with you.”

“We will, love. Whenever you’re ready, when you’re absolutely certain you’re ready, we will.”

Sherlock opened his eyes again, “No, John. I want to have sex with you, now.”

“Sherlock, we just talked about i-”

Sherlock leant down, kissing John softly before whispering against his lips, “I love you, John Watson, and I want to have sex with you. I am scared, and I still believe I can ruin everything, but in this very moment, I love you to the point where I need to have you entirely.”

“Sherlock,” John breathed out.

“I want you to take me to bed, to undress me and make love to me.” Sherlock continued, not caring about what he might sound like. He was desperate and he was scared but he was in love. “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“There are a lot of things we can do first, Sherlock,” John said, still not letting him go, “We don’t have t-”

“I’m sure there are, John, and I trust you to show them all to me,” Sherlock said, feeling more and more confident despite the knot in his chest. “But if we’re doing this, I need you wholly. You know me, John, I don’t do anything halfway.”

“Sherlock, I-” John stopped, staring up at him. “Are you sure?” Sherlock nodded, letting John read the answer on his face. “Ok, but you have to promise me you’ll tell me if something’s wrong.”

“I promise.”

“And you’ll make me stop if I hurt you.”

“Yes.”

“And you promise you’re not doing this just for me?”

“I want it just as much, John.”

Sherlock watched as John breathed out deeply, one hand coming up to cup his jaw, “Alright, let’s have sex then.”

They remained silent for a second before bursting into laughter, and Sherlock felt the tiniest bit of his stress fade away. John loved him. He would never let anything bad happen to him. He could trust him. “I love you,” Sherlock whispered and John kissed him gently.

“I love you,” John replied and with another kiss, he lead them both to their bedroom.

Sherlock watched as John put the clothes on the bed away, remaining still and silent. He could still feel the apprehension at the intimacy sex would require, but the moment John was turning around to face him, Sherock knew he didn’t need to be afraid. John raised an eyebrow, once again making sure it was alright, and Sherlock hurried to nod. “Let me,” John said as he approached again, his fingers coming up to work on Sherlock’s shirt buttons. “Do you know how many times I’ve imagined this?”

Sherlock shook his head.

“I don’t even know myself,” John continued, popping the last button and letting his hands slide slowly up his chest. “I used to wonder what your skin would feel like under my fingers.”

“And?” Sherlock asked, already breathless.

“Amazing,” John said with a smile and rose to his tiptoes to kiss him again. He pushed Sherlock’s shirt off his shoulders and gently brushed his fingers up and down his arms. “Absolutely amazing.”

“John,” Sherlock breathed out, shivering.

“Do you want to?” John asked, looking down at his own chest.

Sherlock nodded, biting his lower lip as he hooked his fingers at the base of his shirt and pulled it up above John’s head. He let it fall on the floor absently, his eyes already travelling all over John’s naked chest. In the month they had spent sleeping in the same bed, John had always slept with his pants and shirt on, and Sherlock couldn’t wait to _touch_ .

“Go on,” John whispered.

Sherlock didn’t need to be told twice, and he let the tips of his fingers explore every inch of skin in front of him. It didn’t take long for him to realise he needed much more than just that, “John, I-”

“Yes,” John smiled, stepping backward to the bed. “Trousers first,” he said when his legs hit the bed frame. Sherlock swallowed with difficulty, keeping his eyes fixed on John’s. He let John open his belt and zip, letting his trousers fall down to his knees before leaning for support against John and removing them completely. Refusing to look away despite his heating cheeks, Sherlock remained still as John finished undressing too, leaving them both in their pants. “Love, everything’s alright?”

“Yes,” Sherlock whispered and dared to glance down at John’s body. He took in the muscular thighs, hairy legs and, _god_ , covered erection. John wasn’t completely hard yet, but Sherlock couldn’t miss the bulge inside his pants and he felt his own erection harden. “John.”

“Let’s lie down,” John said quietly, taking his hand again and switching their positions. Sherlock climbed onto the bed backwards, crawling up as John followed on top of him. Sherlock stopped when his head found the pillows and he lay down with a loud breath. “Remember, you tell me.”

Sherlock nodded quickly, “Yes.”

John kissed him and slowly lowered himself on top of him, nudging Sherlock’s legs open and settling between them.

“Oh,” Sherlock gasped as their groins pressed together.

“Ok?” John asked in a shaky breath.

Sherlock hummed, nodding and opening his legs wider. John kissed him again and for several minutes, they remained like this, kissing. John initiated the smallest of movements, brushing their growing erections together each time, and Sherlock was certain the heat in his abdomen was going to explode. “John, _John_ , I-”

John slid both hands into his hair, kissing down his jaw and neck, “Yes, yes.” Sherlock threw his head back, his fingers gripping at the sheets. “There,” John whispered, placing both of Sherlock’s hands on his back, and Sherlock held on tightly.

He had no idea. No idea at all.

“John, please…”

“Do you want to take them off,” John asked, pulling away just enough to glance down between them.

“Yes, please.”

The moment John was sitting up again and pulling his own pants down, Sherlock realised they were going to be naked. Together. He bit his lower lip, breathing out slowly and watching eagerly as John’s erection sprung free. _God._ Of all his fantasies, all his speculations, Sherlock lost his speech entirely. John was breathtaking.

“Love, can I?”

Sherlock forced himself to look up at John’s face again, “Hmm.”

Sherlock tried not to shake, not to hide away as John pulled his pants down his legs and threw them on the floor. Refusing to look down at himself, Sherlock reached for John again, “Please.” John didn’t say anything as he lowered himself on top of him again, and they both gasped out loud when their naked bodies were pressed together.

“I love you,” John murmured, already starting to move against him. “God, Sherlock, I love you.”

Sherlock found it hard to speak, hard to breathe, and he held on tighter to John. Throwing his head back against the pillow again, he automatically locked one leg around John’s waist and moaned loudly as the pressure increased. “John!”

“Oh god,” John panted, kissing his neck, jaw and cheeks before staring down at him. “The other.”

Sherlock complied quickly, locking both legs around him, and John thrusted against him. It was already too much and not enough at the same time, and Sherlock couldn’t think anymore.

“Sherlock, I don’t think- oh fuck- I don’t think I can stop,” John panted against his lips, his thrusts becoming less and less controlled.

“Please, please, don’t,” Sherlock moaned, pulling him down for another kiss.

He didn’t care anymore, he needed John, needed him right here. He almost shouted in protest as John stopped abruptly only to search for something in his nightstand quickly. “John?”

“Lube,” John panted, “We need lube.”

Sherlock thrust up against him, “Hurry, please.”

“Oh fuck, Sherlock, I can’t find- There!”

Sherlock realised it was his own voice whimpering when John pulled away to slick them both up, and he watched in wonder as both of their erections were nestled against the other. “John,” he breathed, before crying out when John’s hand closed around his cock “John!”

John remained sitting, stroking him slowly while staring down at him, “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, “Beautiful.”

“John, _John,”_ Sherlock moaned, his hips rising from the bed to thrust into John’s hand. He wasn’t in control anymore, couldn’t think about anything else but the pleasure coming from John’s hand on him, around him. “I want-”

He blindly looked for the bottle of lube and the moment John understood what he wanted, he let out a muffled sound, “Oh christ, yes.”

He didn’t stop his movements as he watched Sherlock lube his own hand, and Sherlock made sure to register each of his reactions as he finally closed his fingers around John’s erection. It was hard, and warm and surprisingly wet already, and Sherlock loved it. He bit down on his lower lip, still finding it hard to focus with John’s hand around him, but made sure to watch out for any discomfort on John’s face.

“Amazing, you’re amazing,” John moaned, starting to thrust into Sherlock’s hand too.

“Can you?” Sherlock asked, and John immediately lowered himself again. Sherlock whimpered when he had to let go of John’s erection but soon they were pushing against one another again and the wetness made it even better. “John, I think I’m-”

“Yes, yes,” John moaned, pulling his legs up again.

Sherlock was certain he would never breathe again as his orgasm hit, taking all the air out of him. His entire body went still under John’s, and he stared up at him, trying to control hispounding heart. “Oh fuck, Sherlock, you’re so-”

Feeling John orgasm was even better, Sherlock thought weakly.

An hour might have passed, or maybe a second, when Sherlock became aware of his surroundings again. “John,” he breathed out, not certain what he was asking, but John was kissing him and that was perfect.

“Told you it’d be fantastic,” John smiled into their kiss.

Sherlock laughed, feeling ridiculously happy, “You did.” They kissed for long minutes, both of them learning how to breathe again. “We didn’t properly have sex,” Sherlock said after a moment.

“Yes, we did,” John replied. “That was proper, breathtaking, sex.”

“You know what I mean, John,” Sherlock said in a breath.

“We still have time for that later, love.” John rolled to his side and Sherlock attached their bodies together again right away. “You ok?”

Sherlock nodded, “I love you.”

John pulled the duvet above them before nuzzling his nose against his hair and whispered something, probably saying it back, Sherlock thought, wanting to focus on this brilliant man against him, but fuzziness was already taking him over and he let John’s breathing lull him to  sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comment are really appreciated :)
> 
> [I do fic commission now](http://johnlockfulfillment.tumblr.com/tagged/fic-commission)


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